I need this.

It's so obvious...I don't feel like my life is "a mess", but I have made a few yucky decisions lately and I can feel it. I can tell I have hindered my spiritual intimacy with Jesus. And although I know all Jesus wants is for me to come to him, not hide from him, I find myself just turning on the TV or listening to music instead of finding him, or more importantly letting Him find me. This is one disgusting cycle the enemy has me in. I thought it was over. I thought I had conquered it once and for all, but what I forgot is that he is always crouching at my door. And recently I've just been thinking his ideas weren't so bad. And thinking back I want to punch myself in the face. I have an issue with just saying no. And this goes for a lot of different things. I can't say no to good or bad things.

Lord, I am so sorry for screwing up yet again. I know I have a sinful nature, just like everyone else, but I don't want to fall victim of Satan again. You know every strength and every weakness inside my body - so I ask that you would please supply your holiness in every aspect, but especially to those that I am struggling with currently. I thank you for being who you are in me. I praise you for bringing me to a point in my life where I am able to see how relevant your will is in my life. I can't wait to see you face to face, Lord, and wrap my arms around you! Thank you for letting me screw up, so I can be shaped and crafted into who you want me to become. I love you!


Today, two of my oldest and best friends are starting a bible study. My job isn't letting me get what I need out of the tribe, so i am starting this small bible study so i can grow spiritually. But don't worry, because every chance I get I'll be at the tribe!

faneeeetooh!

I finally finished Blue Like Jazz! Probably the best read....well ever. I haven't read THAT many books, so this one definitely tops the list! The last 2 chapters were amazing. How to really love yourself and Jesus.

Don and I have a lot in common. But we are also very different. But one thing that he made me realize in the 2nd to last chapter was you can't accept someone elses love if you don't love yourself. You have to know you are worthy of love to honestly receive it.

I am letting the people around me decide my value. My value has to come from God. God wants me to receive His love, so I have to love myself. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love yourself as you love your neighbors.

What does Jesus mean to you?

In the last chapter, Don's friend Alan went around and asked a bunch of people questions. He asked this guy, Bill Bright a bunch of questions, and lastly he asked him what Jesus meant to him. Mr. Bright could not answer his question. Instead he started to cry. He sat there and w e p t . I want to love Jesus like that. Don't get me wrong, I love Jesus. But I want to fall inlove so deeply with Him....to where I weep at the sound of his name.


Father....I love you so much. Thank you for opening my eyes wider than they ever have been. I just want you to put a song in my heart....that song that sums me up and that glorifies you. Help me break down whatever it is inside of me that is not letting me truly love myself. Give me the securities I need to receive love so I can only fall deeper in love with you.

I feel like I'm going in the right direction

About 4 months ago I was so confused about what I wanted to do and wasn't happy with anything really in my life. Not that I was going through really rough times, but having just moved out on my own, it wasn't going so well. But now I can say that I'm SO HAPPY! Don't get me wrong, I miss my family like CRAZY! It sucks not having them in the same state as you...but I am surrounded by wonderful people. And I'm finally thinking clearly, thanks to grace point. I'm living with Cristi & Andy in their new house and it makes me feel good to be here. I love them to death! Janet, Megan, Tony, Angie & Linda are SO FUN to work with! I loooove them! Especially when Megan wants to play alien face or poke wars. Tony's birthday is coming up and we are doing something AAAAAAAAWESOME for him! I pray it all works out!

I'm sad I had to miss If... tonight, and it looks like for a while now, I'll have to be closing wednesday nights, but I want a mid-week bible study SOO bad! Sarah, Tara & I are going to start up a small discussion. Sarah bought the book tonight at the store, and we are going to find a day that works for all of us and get togetherr. I'm excited!

OOO also, so sunday I officially became a member of Grace Point and I'm going to help out on the baptism team. I'm excited. I wish I could sing in the choir every last sunday of the month, but I have classes until 7:45 on thursdays. Sad day...

ok so some blogs will just be like this. not necessarily deep thoughts, just simply whats been going on.


i recommend you listen to caleb collins. he is amazing.

"it's not about your possesions, it's about what possesses you." - Pastor Jeff Harris

Must I reiterate how amazing my pastor is, because I feel the need to do that. Pastor Jeff started a series on....simply I could say finances, even though it's MUUUCH more than that. I have a struggle with tithing and being obedient. I know that I can't bring my Ipod with me to heaven...I know that my music collection won't be transferred into heaven when I go....I do, I know this. But the thing with Grace Point, and Pastor Jeff, is he makes those things CLICK. Where you go..."ooooooooooooooh!!! now i really get it" See, the things that make us who we are on earth isn't our awesome cars, or awesome houses, or awesome electronics. How many people have we helped have a relationship with Christ? Even just been a helping factor in their relationship....how many times can you count that you have told someone that you'll pray for them, and then actually dropped everything you were doing, got on your knees and prayed for that person, right there? what about when God is telling you to go talk to that person who looks really alone, and tell them how wonderfully He has changed your life?...Jeff made us close our eyes today in service and picture a two-story house. On the bottom floor is everything that is temporary in our lives.....picture said items. Now...start up the stairs...up here is anything that you received, gave, did out of obedience of God...out of faith, out of service...whatever helped your relationship with Christ and whatever helped someone elses relationship with Christ. now what do you see? ...those things are what will be with you for eternity. the ONLY things that truly matter. it's almost like i really want to take some red and blue stickers and go around my life and put blue stickers on temporary things and red stickers on things that are going to be waiting for me in heaven. My struggle is tithing. This is not an excuse. I am 20 years old, been living out of my parents house for about 6 months (OMG I HAVEN'T COUNTED THOSE MONTHS IN FOREVER!!WOW!), I work a part-time job making a little more than minimum wage, and go to school. On top of all that, I'm trying to be healthy...and being healthy is expensive. So, my priorities are all mangled up. I have all these things that go before tithing. that go before GIVING to my Lord Jesus...who gave up his LIFE...for me? HOW MUCH SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?! ...wow, i suck...

Obedience...

Evaluate your life. Honestly, I'm going to make a list and a budget. Before anything, I need to give. Then I need to be smart, and not buy that really good cd that i want SOO bad! Pay rent. Pay credit card, phone, car. Buy gas, food. Whenever I run out of money....as long as I have been obedient, I know God will provide.

my prayer today is that I will open my eyes..."have an eye for obedience"...that Jesus will show me all I need to do is focus on the things in my life that will be able to go to heaven with me. It's ok to have an ipod and listen to it every day, just as long as your ipod doesn't possess you.

yeah so i'm corny.

im slacking at the new years resolution, blog more. blah. not that i haven't had time, i just started this when i was in st. louis and had nothing better to do. Now i have school & work and sort of a life. But juuuust to clarify, I want this blog to capture my spiritual journey. Yes, I'll be random sometimes (hi, name's lisa...and i'm random), but for the most part, its gon be bout mah JESUS! whenever i talk to kayla, she makes me wierd and i just got off th ephone. sorry bout that. and apparently, i'm corny. didn't realize it, but it's true. it's ok. corny is good. i'm looking for corny in my life. oh! i love the holiday. ok enough with the random blabblees

So, I tried to become a member at Grace Point in November of 07, but they said i couldn't because of how funny my toes smell.

see, wierd i tell ya.

Now its Jan and Grace Point has a new members class! soooooo it was sunday and the last one is this sunday. i realizedd that i've never in my life had a moment where i felt so content? ...thats a bad word, but basically, I know absolutely without a douuuuubt that i'm supposed to be at Grace Point. Once Pastor Jeff gave his speech about either God called you to this church or he didn't, and if he didn't R U N. after that...I was 145% sure that my place right now was to be at Grace Point. And when you've never had that feeling before, it's pretty freeing! I've actually been the one to feel like I don't belong a lot of the times, or like I made the wrong decision in moving somewhere. But finally, I have my place. And I am so excited to be on this journey. (yeah kayla, i'm so corny like jiffy pop)

I've been working at Family Christian Stores, and it's great but I am a teensy bit worried. I know you probably think i'm silly, but I don't want to lose focus, and I feel like I might working here. Ok i dont feel like I will, but i do know that I have to really pray hard and WORK at staying focused on my journey. Jesus throws me curve balls sometimes, and a few times lately, I've totally missed. I haven't struck out yet, so I'm gonna have to be on top of my game next time. I have to EXPECT those curve balls, ya know? so i can grand slam those suckers. ok enough with the baseball analogy. like i said, only a teensy bit worried. just one of those things i'll overcome.

So, I need to pray more. I don't do it enough. And honestly, I don't know how to pray outloud because I never do. I don't think Im the only like that, but....it's a possibility. and thats sucky. Also, I need to read my Bible more. Family Christian gave us the new max lucado through the bible in a year for christmas...and I've ready it a couple of times, and actually last night I was really into it. But I was SO EXHAUSTED I couldn't ready any extra.

no excuse though.


So today at work this lady goes off about how mean we are and how she's been in 3 times and every time she gets ignored, because shes fat and ugly and old. ? Then later someone comes in and says that she's been to several other family christian stores and no one is as nice as we are. because we give them extra punches for making extra purchases. and like our customers. and this lady who said it, was not young, skinny or pretty. i'm just saying...Jesus does a good job of sending you people when you need it.

I guess thats all for now. Levi smith this weekend oMGG XD


love,

Lisa