everything rides on hope now

Can you get there from here? Power of destination.

Again, Pastor Jeff directly spoke to me this past Sunday. What is it with this guy and knowing exactly what I need to hear! We are all on a journey. But we have to have the end envisioned in mind so we know where we are going. When you have a destination in mind, you can stop and say “can I get there from here?’ and see if you are off course. But if you have no idea where you are headed, it doesn’t matter. Also it's important to have a mission statement for your family. I love Pastor Jeff's. "Love, serve, minister, and lead ourselves and others into a more intimate relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ." That way, when you get off course you can stop and say, "am I loving, serving, ministering, and leading myself and others into a more intimate relationship with Jesus?" If not...then simply stop doing whatever it was you were doing that got you off course.

The power of destination. Can you get there from here?

I'm just going to type.

After a brief talk with a mentor of mine, I realized I had forgotten how theraputic it is to just write...even when there is nothing specific to write about...even when I don't have this awesome story to share...how was my week?...what about work?...school started yesterday, how was that?....so thats what i'm gonna do. might be boring but hey, at least i'm writing. you teach yourself a lot when you write...well, ramble rather. so here goes my ramble!

Yesterday, the 25th of August (its coming to an end...can ya believe it?), was the first day of my last semester at Vista. I've been attending this school since fall of 2005. Normally people get in, and no more than 2 years later, get out. Well, 3 years ago I was starting my first semester, and it feels soo long ago! I'm so ready to get out! More than anything though, I'm ready to have something accomplished. I haven't felt that great feeling in a long time. Accomplishment. What does that even mean? What does it feel like? Something you have been striving for....working hard for...putting in ton of hours, money, energy to complete, is complete! You no longer have to worry about it because it is DONE! And then that sudden feeling of the weight being lifted off your shoulders. sigh of relief...no more headaches because you're stressed about all the assignments due tomorrow...no more late night cram sessions...ahh free at last! success! accomplished...i can't wait for that feeling! come december i will be one happy girl.

i also have a lot of big decisions coming up. move home or stay here? there is nothing i can do about that right now except pray like crazy. and ask everyone else to pray for me. this is a huge decision and i currently am not 100% sure what I should be doing. I feel like I should stay here...but if you asked me if i knew fooor sure that this is what God wanted, I couldn't tell you yes because I haven't prayed enough about it. I need someone to keep me accountable for that. I should be able to do it on my own but...mer...I remember at night when I'm going to sleep but I need to remember to do it during the day and in my busy schedule it always gets away from me...

i'm so interested in finding another job right now. there is so much i could say about that, but i won't. just...i need a job that pays me way more and still works around my school schedule (until jan of course! :] )

What really matters

Jeff Harris nailed on the head a few weeks ago. Stop living in the future. You are wasting away your life if you are constantly worried about tomorrow. So now I ask the question, what really matters? What in your life can you live for right this second?

Jesus. Family. Friends. People who I want to be my friends.

I'm reading this book called "Why They Call Him The Savior" by Max Lucado. It's seriously amazing. It talks about pure grace. God does not care where we have been. What we have done. Why we did it. As long as we call Him savior, and do so believe, He is saving us a place in Heaven. How insane is that? Like the story of the crucified crook. He was there on the cross with Jesus and looked over to him and straight up just asked him basically if he could go to heaven. He said he believes, and so he wants a place in heaven. First of all, what kind of crazy person would live the life of a crook and then face to face with Jesus have the guts to ask himself into heaven? Then the most ridiculous part, Jesus says yes!!! This guy is minutes away from death. He will not be able to feed the hungry, give to the needy, say grace before a meal, share the good news...but Jesus did not care about that part. He believes, so there will be a spot for him in Heaven. How amazing is that grace?? Can I get an Amen-ah! Hallelujah! haha no but for real...and to think he views all of us the same. We can all say "well i'm not as screwed up as that guy...so i know i'm going to heaven"... but thats not even the freakin point. gaaah! kla;fadjflasjd its just crazy to me. the love my savior has for me blows my MIIIND. i have to go think on this for a while.


oh and im starting a life group!! im so so excited!! I am seeing why God put me through all these trials & tribulations now... because I could NOT have led a life group 6 months ago.


and i have a wesley. :) he's super amazing to me and God definitely has a plan for us! its crazy!


I also bought a bracelet today for a nice little reminder. It reads "For God did not send His son to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:17. Can I get an Amen-ah! :) Totally took me back to the winter retreat....there is nooo condemnation in Christ. :)

Hi God, yes I hear you.... loud & clear!

It's a strange feeling to realize you are listening to God and hearing him and seeing him put things in front of you that he wants you to do. So a little over a week ago I was absolutely certain that come December 14, I would be moving back to St. Louis to live with my parents. I had prayed about it a little, not enough (of course...like always) but...I really felt that with everything that was going on in my life, I was supposed to move up there. Then I go on the retreat. Then Wes happens. Then Amy wants me to be a life group leader (well...Amy is just a messenger for God really...haha) . And the one reason (before Wes) that I did not want to leave at all was church, and I really really feel a strong tug at my heart that I'm supposed to be at grace point. I have since I started going there. I feel like a retard because God is so apparent and now I feel like He doesn't want me to leave but I didn't see it. But God wouldn't just change His mind. So was I just blind before? Was I not listening close enough? Was I just taking the easy road out? Thats what I feel like. Now mind you, I really don't want to leave, but honestly, that would be the hard thing! Because if I stay, I'll need to find a place to live...CHEAP!!...worry about getting a better job...saving money & getting out of debt...ah! I know that if God wants me here and I obey Him, he will provide. But what I am struggling with right now is the decision I am going to have to make. I am very thankful that He is showing me all these things, because I would hate to move, and it not be the right decision, and realize it after I get up there.

That is my prayer request, friends. Please pray that I gain clarity. And can trust God fully. Ahh!

I woke up this morning, and had a new experience. I guess while my mind was still clear from an amazing night of sleep, I realized I was doing a pretty good job of trusting God with everything except finances. He needs that part of me. I am so so poor, but I also make poor choices with my money. So, I pray that as I start this obedient act, I do it for the right reason, stay prayerful, and gain clarity from Him.

little reminders

I feel like God is working things out for the good in my life, because I love him! (Mike Sharrow pointed that out in scripture last week) He's constantly sending me little reminders that I am in the right place and to keep trusting Him. This is going to be an exciting experience but I'm not letting go of my savior...who, without, I would be completely lost!

I praise you God for those little reminders. I ask that you would bring clarity into my heart about these big decisions I'm going to have to make. I want you here for all of it, Lord...not just some!

Interesting

My prayers were answered...but not the way I expected.

This weekend I found great fellowship and communion but this wall that i have felt between me and God for the past oh...few months or so...still was up and it really was starting to scare me. because i pray and read the word and wanted that wall to go away so badly and wanted to feel his presence around me... but did he meet me like I wanted at the retreat? nope. instead he met me in my car driving home after hanging out with sarah for a few hours. timing is impeccable. seriously...

he'll never forsake me, his love never ends...it never ends.

i still have a hard time understanding that concept.

Thank you God for showing me a lot more than I expected this weekend...but mainly that you are still there even though i can't feel you. I'm glad you let me realize that it wasn't my fault this weekend. And that I have been hanging on through the storm. And you will never ever forsake me.

"by your side until the end
until your standing strong again, i'm here
i'll always be here..."