my prayer for this weekend

I pray that this weekend is filled with love and new friendships. Mostly I pray though, that all of us experience God in a mighty way. I pray that all of our hearts are changed forever. I pray that God meets us in the midst of our faults and shows us how much he truly truly loves us. Our God is mightier and stronger and BIGGER than the rest of this dark world. His light will warm our faces and most of all, warm our hearts. I pray that all of our hearts get lit on fire for God. And when we come back to reality, we can shine that light to those who haven't quite found the amazing strength God gives when you seek Him. If this weekend can be as half as amazing as the winter retreat was, we will be in great shape! I can't wait to spend time with everyone this weekend. But most of all, I can't WAIT to spend time with my God in his element. Ah! I'm so excited :D

Homesick

Last night I had a case of homesickness. It was one of the worst cases since I've lived here. I almost want to just pack up my car and move home this weekend. Degrees are over rated anyway....

just kidding. i'm not going to do that. but i really really want to :/

Just make up your mind already!

I have said this more times than you know recently. Mainly to myself. I never realized how hard it is to commit to something fully 100% with no regard. I have done this several times in the past, but without little thought. Like moving back to Texas for example, I just saved up some cash, packed up my stuff, and drove down. Even moving to St. Louis for that matter...little thought, just compulsive decision making. But after going back and forth, I have came to one big conclusion, if God hasn't been the focus of any of these decisions, then you are probably making the wrong one. So when you are seeing the consequences of your decisions, and being negative, you realize you did it all wrong, you want to go back and do it all over again, but let God in this time. But that doesn't work. You can't just go back. You have to go forward. And let God stand right beside you, holding your hand and whispering in your ear what you need to do next. This isn't as easy as it sounds. Especially when you have a million other things going on and you can't just clear your mind enough to think...well...clearly. Today Mike Sharrow talked about Psalm 23. But he did what we did at the Live It Out retreat...when we dissected James...he did that, but with Psalm 23:1-3. We've all heard it a hundred times, but I'll put it down for the sake of explaining. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." The Lord God...almighty maker of heaven and earth IS my shepherd. Not was, not will be, not for the bad times, not for the good times, he is my shepherd. My shepherd...which means I am the sheep...who is needy and vulnerable but also very valuable....so my shepherd...who is there to do what is best for me. Show me the quiet waters where I can drink from. Be my protector in the night, take me to the place where I won't go hungry. ... My soul is restored...restoration...the one true part of me that holds my dreams and my fears ... he restores it. heals it. makes it new. ....

Father, I know you are here. Your hand down by your side just waiting for me to grab hold. tight. and never let go. I have a lot of decisions to make that will drastically change my future, but I trust in You without regard. I know that you will show me where I should go that will have the green pastures I shall eat from and the still waters I can drink from. I know that through the hard times, you will restore my soul. I think you for being my shepherd. My guiding light on the shore. I'm coming...I promise. Hand in Hand, father, I thank you for never leaving my side.

politically incorrect

My new government teacher who insists on being "politically correct" not only made himself look like a moron but offended several people in my class. I walk in about 2 minutes early to class, so it was pretty full. I sat down (not that it matters now, but later it matters...I sat down next to a black guy) I didn't think anything of it because well...it's 2008. As the teacher is calling roll he is asking where people are from and cracking stupid jokes about it. He gets to me and I tell him I'm originally from Kentucky. (Boy do I wish I would have just said "I've lived here all my life") He then proceeds to say "Oh I thought people up in Kentucky didn't sit next to black people". .......... What am I supposed to say that? Maybe if this was the 30's or 40's and we haven't gone 40 years past integration, yeah that would be appropriate, but who the helllllll are you to say that?! Puts me, the guy sitting next to me, and the whole class in a very awkward position, just because you are trying to be "funny".

This might be the worst 4 weeks of the year.

last thing i feel like i should be doing

is sitting here writing.

my ears won't pop. i can't stop sneezing. my head feels like its gonna 'splooodee. i feel a cold coming on for sure.

God, I am so aware of the fact that You know what you are doing. I need to see this, because I need to learn to trust you completely....with everything I am! I am sorry for not coming to you completely. I pray that you push all my distractions aside. school, work, money, school, friends, money, schoooooool.... and let me focus on what my real purpose is. or what Your purpose is for me. I am sorry for not trusting you when it's difficult. It's easier to trust someone through the easy stuff...but I'm just so scared to give it up to you. And I think about it logically and rationally...and it doesn't make sense that I am scared! Of course you can handle the situation way better than I can, but then I lose control, and don't know whats going to happen, and lose that sense of expectancy and that makes me feel vulnerable and I am scared of that. Thank you for being amazing. And for your sense of humor that I discovered tonight while talking to Sarah. :) You were totally looking down on us going "ahaha....see! i can make jokes too!" nice one! loved it :) Please give me the courage and strength I need to know what to do and say for the next few weeks. You know my heart more than I even understand.... I know I need to trust you though. Please God, take away all the insecurities I have built up and tear them down. I want to give them all to Youuuu! And God....I'm sorry that it's been too long. I miss you so terribly much.

came to my rescue

Lord all I am is Yours,
my whole life I place in your hands
God of mercy humbled, I bow down
in Your presence, at your throne
I call, you answer and you came to my rescue and I wanna be where you are. ♥


um, thanks Hillsong for saying the words in my heart right now!

God, thank you. Thank you so so much. For friends. Family. Rain. Movie time with old friends. For spontaneous bible studies with friends. For pouring your heart into mine. For transforming me. For being sovereign. For who You are in meee. I trust you, 100%. I'm struggling... but I pray for courage and determination and mercy. You have no idea how much I love you. Except you do.... :)

getting there

It is awesome to see God pull you through the lowest points. He is always sovereign. And I am so grateful for that. Words can't express.... :)