But have I been trying hard enough? How much is enough? I have this strange feeling. One I've never felt before. It's a strange "wall" of some sort between me and God. But it's not like a brick wall or anything...maybe its just like a ...mesh curtain. I can still see him, feel him, breathe him in, but I still feel separated. Like when I'm worshiping...why do random thoughts cross my mind? I'm trying to focus on my savior, and really listen to the words of the song, and let it hit me, but I'm thinking about the homework I have due the next day, or what time I have to be at work. I'm thinking about anything except the words I'm singing. Now that I have 3 summer classes in full swing, I keep putting off my bible time. No excuse. Might have to do a myspace cleansing again.
I do praise God for all He has done in my life. Sounds cliche, but it's the honest truth. The thing that bugs me the most, is i feel like I have it so good. I have no real hurdles around me. I have no big temptations, (we always will have those...mine currently is putting off my bible study), and I feel that if I would actually just focus on Jesus and how amazing He is, I would be at such an amazing place.
I pray that I spend more time one on one with God. That he would be with me and all my overloads of homework - and help me time manage everything so that I can finish my homework. Please take down this wall, or curtain...or whatever it is separating me from you.
1 comment:
the struggle....knowing how to drop the veil and seek total intimacy with Him...ultra difficult.....not impossible. keep working at it.
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