crying is good for the soul but not for the head.

If I think back to my life 6-8 months ago and then look at my life now, I'm completely amazed at how God has transformed me. I have found God and He has definitely found me time and time again. More than ever before. I have amazing friendships centered around Christ. So what do I do? I feel so alive in His spirit at grace point and with all the people I have met through there. And meeting these amazing people have taught me how to have solitary worship as well; how important it is one on one with God. I can't put into words how grateful I am for these experiences. I'm having such a hard time trusting God right now though. I feel so close, closer than ever, but how can I, at the same time, feel so far?

If I move back home, I am afraid I'll lose it. Plain & simple. I'm scared I'll lose all the friendships that have gotten me through the lowest places. And I'm afraid that I'll drift back to that lonely place again. Being at Grace Point is the best thing I could have ever asked for. It's my home. I guess I feel that way because it's where my heart is.

But I'm in a huge predicament. I can't afford to live here. In December I'm gonna have to move back home. And that makes me very sad.

Patience

It's interesting to see the kind of people that walk into Family Christian Stores. Most of them are amazing. Sweet, kind-hearted, patient, funny.... but a handful a day are rude and impatient and just plain MEAN. It is very hard for me to have a good day after those kind of people come in.

Why do we let impatient people get to us? Isn't that being impatient? If we let them ruin our day, then we get an attitude and become the same kind of person that just annoyed the crap out of us. I don't think thats what we want to happen. But it is so so sooo hard to keep a good attitude towards someone who comes in and thinks the world revolves around them.

"12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:11-15

I like how patience is last. Probably because it's the hardest of all those things. To have patience you have to bear with each other...be patient..forgive grievances...patience...Jesus forgives us and has patience with us each day...so we must do that in return. I had a struggle today with patience. I am prayerful that God will help me have patience like he has towards me.

I've been trying

But have I been trying hard enough? How much is enough? I have this strange feeling. One I've never felt before. It's a strange "wall" of some sort between me and God. But it's not like a brick wall or anything...maybe its just like a ...mesh curtain. I can still see him, feel him, breathe him in, but I still feel separated. Like when I'm worshiping...why do random thoughts cross my mind? I'm trying to focus on my savior, and really listen to the words of the song, and let it hit me, but I'm thinking about the homework I have due the next day, or what time I have to be at work. I'm thinking about anything except the words I'm singing. Now that I have 3 summer classes in full swing, I keep putting off my bible time. No excuse. Might have to do a myspace cleansing again.

I do praise God for all He has done in my life. Sounds cliche, but it's the honest truth. The thing that bugs me the most, is i feel like I have it so good. I have no real hurdles around me. I have no big temptations, (we always will have those...mine currently is putting off my bible study), and I feel that if I would actually just focus on Jesus and how amazing He is, I would be at such an amazing place.

I pray that I spend more time one on one with God. That he would be with me and all my overloads of homework - and help me time manage everything so that I can finish my homework. Please take down this wall, or curtain...or whatever it is separating me from you.

I'll wait for you there...down on my knees where I met you...

Tonight is one of those nights where I felt like rolling down my windows, blaring hillsong, and driving into the hill country to stargaze. After a worship experience like tonight [props to Jesus for showing us He is still in control....we need that reminder every now and then] there isn't much you can say except God is amazing. There is this quiet place where He takes us. No one is around. But the company is all you ever need. I'm at a loss for words really. God is awesome. His love is perfect. I understand the concept but I can't even comprehend it.

P E R F E C T L O V E.

How amazing is it that God decided we were worth it? Like...worth spending eternity with. Everyone else EXCEPT HIM will let us down. We'll get hurt. Feel betrayed. But the one constant ...the only thing you really need to feel complete...will never ever betray you. He'll never leave you. He'll never lie to you or let you down. Oh what love! I'm so thankful for the people I have around me to help bring me to the place I am in. I can't thank God enough for these people. They mean the absolute world to me. I am so undoubtedly in love with my savior, Jesus Christ. And I'm figuring out the rest as I go along.

Officially rut free!

Wow. I just went through my old blog entries from the retreat and I am so amazed at what God has taught me and the place he has brought me to since then. I have messed up a few times yes, but I am forever changed! I am free in Christ! I feel like sharing about my new amazing friend God has placed in my life. I don't know what it is and I can quite figure it out but Jessica is like...the friend that God knew I needed so He sent me her. I'm not kidding. She's like my little sister....but I am learning so much from her! It is so important in becoming who you were meant to be in Christ to have a person you can trust like that. And someone who is just basically....you're sister or brother in Christ. Completely centered and does nothing but help your spiritual walk. And we're accountability partners...which I neeeeeed! SO YAY