i don't pray enough

plain and simple. flyleaf has some awesome lyrics.

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
Sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you



how many times do i realize and feel the conviction that i am not living for my best friend, like i promised Him i would, and then just pretend to not feel that conviction? I just blow it off. I promised my savior, that I would love Him and serve Him and honor Him, and i keep screwing up!!

You say that your strength is made perfect in my weakness. But I continue to fall on a daily basis. I'm pretty much tired of writing blogs like this. Thats why I don't really write anymore, because this is all they would be about.


I really don't like the road I see my life going. Other things have become priorities and this is not ok. not at all....

I feel like I get it all. I get that I'm a screw up, and that I have this powerful love of a savior just waiting for me....but i'm tempted and so easily give in all the dang time. i feel like i don't have the right kind of people around me. well...enough of them. and i also know that im too easily swayed to do the wrong thing...i'm not strong enough - well i don't feel strong enough to live like He wants me to (and like i know would be the best...) It's late and I'm babbling, so it probably isn't making any sense, but I know that my job at the christian bookstore has oddly enough got in the way of me staying on the ....i dunno how else to say it without sounding cliche, but the path to righteousness.



blahhhhhhhhhh


i normally don't ask for prayers, but i really do need it. i don't know exactly why...i just feel ...sad...and too far from God right now.


honestly i just want to be around my friends @ the tribe & at gracepoint more than i have been lately. they help keep me in line. i love my other friends to death, but they aren't doing anything for me spiritually....if anything they are hindering it.

slowing down

I apologize for the lack of posts in the past few weeks. I have no worthy excuses, only time wasted and words in my garbage can. First of all - May is quickly approaching! 2008 has gone by so fast. I'm shaking my head as I type this realizing it has no intentions of slowing down. It's true I want the 19th day of May to get here as soon as it can, but after that is there any possible way of just...stopping time? Seriously...at least just slow down! I feel like I'm running a marathon and someone else is moving my arms and legs. I feel the pain though. The inability to take a deep breath or really see whats passing me by. The sweat trickling down my cheek - almost feels like tears. I'm sure its a mixture of both. I should have stopped 14 miles ago, but that would leave me alone, no spectators, no one alongside, and a lot of unfinished projects. So there is really no choice but to keep

running.



Lord if there is any possible way of allowing me to stop and smell the roses without falling at the wayside, I'd sure love a tiny vacation. I need time away - well what I need is...time with You. Just You. Take me back to that place again. You know that I know that I need it. More than finishing my last few days at school. More than getting to work. More than anything, I need to be lost.....in You.

do it with a heart wide open

I can definitely pin point some huge turn points in my life. All of them come from a me making a huge realization or discovery of something I was never quite aware of in my life. Words of hope, encouragement, good intent...really do have this huge impact on peoples life. I think we could all change the world if we, instead of saying hateful, anger inspired words, displayed kindness, forgiveness, mercy, and grace. Something I'm writing on my to do list (first, i suppose I should actually make a to do list...) but the first thing on it will be to say something to brighten someones day everyday. Not because I have to, but because I know that will make them happier and in turn, they will do that for someone else (hopefully). Sort of "pay it forward" i guess...

Also, never be someone you aren't. God created me the way I was supposed to be. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that entails, but as far as I know, I have a bunch of great friends around me, and they love me for me.

It's been way too long since I've seen my family. Going more than 3 months is almost more than I can bare. By the next time I will see them, I will have gone the longest I've ever gone without seeing my mommy! :(