Writing is very therapeutic! You were right, Jeff! So here I am again...writing. I struggle with speaking. I can't seem to find the right words that fit together and make sense. I stumble on my words a lot and can never get across my point. GR...Tonight I was talking with a friend at Starbucks. We have been friends since our freshman year in high school, and I love this girl to death. She isn't Christian, but I have been praying that God will allow himself to speak through me to her. I don't have the words that she needs to hear...but I sure tried tonight. She went to catholic school for a few years as a child, but doesn't believe in God, but she said she does not NOT believe in God either. She is an agnostic, I guess? She always thought that Christians and Catholics were the same, which...I'm not even sure the difference...I just know we don't pray to Mary or carry rosary's around. My friend is someone who does NOT want religion pushed on her. And neither would I. It's offensive to someone who doesn't know. She did have all these questions, some of which I did not know the answers to. But I just wanted to get across the point that we are all sinners, and no one is perfect. Even those Christians that think they are perfect...um, they aren't. She has an aunt that is a very hypocritical catholic....not to say that we aren't guilty of being unchristian, but she is very condescending. So a. we are sinners. b. God sent himself in human form to be tried and tested so he could relate to us and ultimately die on the cross for our sins so we could be saved from Hell. c. there is someone who loves us more than we could ever possibly realize. Now all these were said in a UNPUSHY way. I didn't want her to feel like I was saying she had to believe this. She was curious...had some questions, and I silently prayed the whole way through that God would give me the words to say so that I wouldn't scare her away from Him. I mean...that is a big responsibility. I didn't do that great of a job, but I told her I would let her borrow some of my books, because she is interested in just knowing about it. I don't think I convinced her tonight that God exists and that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light. But I pray to God that I got her thinking and contemplating it.
God, I pray for my friend, that you would help me to speak to her in a way that she would "get it". We all fall short of the glory of God, but you love us regardless. Please show her this, Lord. And please be there when I need the words to say, because without you I'm a rambling idiot.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
If i'm being honest..
I feel like there's something in the way. I don't feel 100% wrapped up in Jesus when I'm worshipping. I have these thoughts in my head that are not of the spirit. I know that the enemy is right on my doorstep. And now that I'm growing so deeply in my relationship with God, he is knocking very loudly...but I don't think it's that. It feels like there is some wall that is still up. I think it's the trusting wall. I have been in scripture most every day...but I have something distracting me. And I can't quite put my finger on it....
Lord, I know you are the same as you were yesterday, today and tomorrow. But something with me doesn't feel right. I ask that you would take away whatever this is holding my relationship with you back. I want my heart to break for what breaks yours. I want to be passionate and wrapped up in you. Lead me to the cross. Love you...
Lord, I know you are the same as you were yesterday, today and tomorrow. But something with me doesn't feel right. I ask that you would take away whatever this is holding my relationship with you back. I want my heart to break for what breaks yours. I want to be passionate and wrapped up in you. Lead me to the cross. Love you...
Sunday, February 17, 2008
so sometimes....
actually every time, I am just in awe of how God works through Jeff Harris. He has the purest PASSION for the Lord out of anyone I have ever met....even though I haven't met Jeff, I feel like i know him enough to say that. haha
Today's sermon was YET AGAIN amazing! I find myself so content and lost in Jeff's sermon every Sunday. I'm sure if you would glance over at me I'd have a ridiculous look on my face. haha
What I like to do usually every Sunday is relate Jeff's sermon to my life and talk myself through how I can apply it to me. The video clip they started out with was AWESOME! Pretty funny, to say the least. Well...here it is.
Now less than 2 weeks ago, I was saying "I want to tithe...but I can't afford it!" I don't even have enough money to pay my bills, and God doesn't need my money anyway...right? uh wrong. The point today was God just wants the first slice, and the rest is yours. Like He says..."seek me first, and the rest will be given to you" or somethin like that...i dont have my bible with me but you get the gist. If you make the decision to cut off that first piece, and it doesn't even have to be big! he just wants 10%! the rest will be taken care of. But you do it out of obedience and love because he is our God...not because you feel like you have to. If you have been keeping up with my blogs you probably know tithing has been something me and God have been working out lately. I know I screw up...and He knows that too...but it's so awesome to see the things He does for you when you are obedient and seek him first. Two weeks ago when I got paid the first thing I did was get on gracepoint.org and pay my tithe. All the bills were due 2 weeks ago, and I had enough for everything except my credit card payment. When i got paid friday, first thing i made sure of was that I gave God that first slice. He doesn't want our leftovers. He is our GOD. He loves us so much. He wants us to seek him first in everything we do. In money and in time. So I feel good that I am giving my portion to the kingdom of heaven, but I still need to work on being smart with my money. I buy spend too much money on food. Whether its healthy food at the grocery, or expensive food on the way to school...I spend too much.
Today's sermon was YET AGAIN amazing! I find myself so content and lost in Jeff's sermon every Sunday. I'm sure if you would glance over at me I'd have a ridiculous look on my face. haha
What I like to do usually every Sunday is relate Jeff's sermon to my life and talk myself through how I can apply it to me. The video clip they started out with was AWESOME! Pretty funny, to say the least. Well...here it is.
Now less than 2 weeks ago, I was saying "I want to tithe...but I can't afford it!" I don't even have enough money to pay my bills, and God doesn't need my money anyway...right? uh wrong. The point today was God just wants the first slice, and the rest is yours. Like He says..."seek me first, and the rest will be given to you" or somethin like that...i dont have my bible with me but you get the gist. If you make the decision to cut off that first piece, and it doesn't even have to be big! he just wants 10%! the rest will be taken care of. But you do it out of obedience and love because he is our God...not because you feel like you have to. If you have been keeping up with my blogs you probably know tithing has been something me and God have been working out lately. I know I screw up...and He knows that too...but it's so awesome to see the things He does for you when you are obedient and seek him first. Two weeks ago when I got paid the first thing I did was get on gracepoint.org and pay my tithe. All the bills were due 2 weeks ago, and I had enough for everything except my credit card payment. When i got paid friday, first thing i made sure of was that I gave God that first slice. He doesn't want our leftovers. He is our GOD. He loves us so much. He wants us to seek him first in everything we do. In money and in time. So I feel good that I am giving my portion to the kingdom of heaven, but I still need to work on being smart with my money. I buy spend too much money on food. Whether its healthy food at the grocery, or expensive food on the way to school...I spend too much.
Friday, February 15, 2008
When I was hungry, you fed me.
Today, for the first time with a humble heart, I gave money to a homeless guy begging on the street. My thought process used to go something like "Why should I give you money? You will just go buy a 6 pack..." But when Jesus said "When I was hungry, you fed me, and when I was cold, you clothed me, and when I was incarcerated, you came to visit me..." makes me realize that I am no one to judge who is going to use the money to better themselves and who is going to just go blow it on booze. This particular man could be very hungry, and I have no idea...he is asking for help and I should humbly give.
I had went to the ATM and pulled out some cash to fill up my gas tank. It took $5 less than I thought so I had an extra $5 bill. As I was sitting at the light after filling up, I saw the man and without a single doubt or hesitation in my mind I knew I had to give this man the money. It's not a lot, but it is enough to go buy him a warm meal if he wants one.
Also, I'm wanting to feed my addiction. I won't lie, it hasn't been easy this week not getting on myspace. You know you are addicted when you get on the internet and you automatically type "www.mysp..." backspace, backspace, backspace...very bad. But I have been able to do other more important things...like get a freaking A+ ON MY CHEMISTRY TEST! XD
I am THRILLED about the retreat this weekend! I can hardly contain myself!! I pray that God will truly let me fall head over hills crazy IN LOVE with him this weekend.
And! Katy is my new coworker! SWEET. We are gonna have some fuuun!
is it sunday yet?
I had went to the ATM and pulled out some cash to fill up my gas tank. It took $5 less than I thought so I had an extra $5 bill. As I was sitting at the light after filling up, I saw the man and without a single doubt or hesitation in my mind I knew I had to give this man the money. It's not a lot, but it is enough to go buy him a warm meal if he wants one.
Also, I'm wanting to feed my addiction. I won't lie, it hasn't been easy this week not getting on myspace. You know you are addicted when you get on the internet and you automatically type "www.mysp..." backspace, backspace, backspace...very bad. But I have been able to do other more important things...like get a freaking A+ ON MY CHEMISTRY TEST! XD
I am THRILLED about the retreat this weekend! I can hardly contain myself!! I pray that God will truly let me fall head over hills crazy IN LOVE with him this weekend.
And! Katy is my new coworker! SWEET. We are gonna have some fuuun!
is it sunday yet?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
lol...i found this on my old livejournal and i had to post it. it made me smile.
[when we went camping, im talking about a family friend at the campsite....and how redneck my family is...]
kackie also cracked me up a couple of times. first she was being a BIG redneck screaming across the campsite going "LUCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUCY!!!! LUUUUUCYYYY!!" in a big country accent...then she was like "LUCY!!! BRING ME SOME CORN BREAD!!" hahaha as if it wasn't country enough. she added the "bring me some corn bread!" lol...and then later that night she sneezed and goes "well i didnt' pee" LOL!!!!! thats freakin hilarious i dont care WHO you are. ok...thats all the funny stuff i can remember for now
[when we went camping, im talking about a family friend at the campsite....and how redneck my family is...]
kackie also cracked me up a couple of times. first she was being a BIG redneck screaming across the campsite going "LUCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUCY!!!! LUUUUUCYYYY!!" in a big country accent...then she was like "LUCY!!! BRING ME SOME CORN BREAD!!" hahaha as if it wasn't country enough. she added the "bring me some corn bread!" lol...and then later that night she sneezed and goes "well i didnt' pee" LOL!!!!! thats freakin hilarious i dont care WHO you are. ok...thats all the funny stuff i can remember for now
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Finally the pace is slowing down! Back to working out more frequently, having a social life, and less stress.
Isn't it awesome that in the busiest times, somehow you manage to focus on the most important things? With everything that was on my plate in the past couple of weeks, He has shown me that I really can handle more than I thought. I just have to set my priorities in line and manage my time.
I've been thinking I want another tattoo. But this time it will actually have a meaning, instead of just some cute little picture. A calla lilly means magnificent beauty, and it's also my favorite flower! I want to put a bible verse with it that has to do with magnificent beauty but I can't find one, so if anyone finds anything let me know!
Isn't it awesome that in the busiest times, somehow you manage to focus on the most important things? With everything that was on my plate in the past couple of weeks, He has shown me that I really can handle more than I thought. I just have to set my priorities in line and manage my time.
I've been thinking I want another tattoo. But this time it will actually have a meaning, instead of just some cute little picture. A calla lilly means magnificent beauty, and it's also my favorite flower! I want to put a bible verse with it that has to do with magnificent beauty but I can't find one, so if anyone finds anything let me know!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Lent
Ash wednesday came way too quickly for me. I was planning on doing lent this year for the very first time ever, and then the day after I decided that, it was ash wednesday! WHAT! So starting sunday, after reading up a little bit and making sure I know the full meaning of what Lent is supposed to be, I'm going to give up something that I do way too much that takes up way too much of my time and focus that time on growing closer in my relationship with God.
It will be my first of many fasts, I hope to come. The reason I have decided to do this was to minimize something unimportant in my life and give that time to God instead. This one thing I am giving up is myspace. I'm on there way too much. I could be reading my bible, praying, working out, and doing a lot of other things that would help me grow closer in my relationship to God. I figured I could do this thing first, give up myspace, to dip my toes into the water. To know what it feels like to be disciplined for my savior. Since I wasn't expecting ash wednesday, I'm going to officially start Sunday. No more myspace until easter. I have other ways you can contact me. My email is lisahaddix2268@yahoo.com, and I will still be blogging, since I feel that is actually helping my relationship with Him.
It will be my first of many fasts, I hope to come. The reason I have decided to do this was to minimize something unimportant in my life and give that time to God instead. This one thing I am giving up is myspace. I'm on there way too much. I could be reading my bible, praying, working out, and doing a lot of other things that would help me grow closer in my relationship to God. I figured I could do this thing first, give up myspace, to dip my toes into the water. To know what it feels like to be disciplined for my savior. Since I wasn't expecting ash wednesday, I'm going to officially start Sunday. No more myspace until easter. I have other ways you can contact me. My email is lisahaddix2268@yahoo.com, and I will still be blogging, since I feel that is actually helping my relationship with Him.
Friday, February 8, 2008
faneeeetooh!
I finally finished Blue Like Jazz! Probably the best read....well ever. I haven't read THAT many books, so this one definitely tops the list! The last 2 chapters were amazing. How to really love yourself and Jesus.
Don and I have a lot in common. But we are also very different. But one thing that he made me realize in the 2nd to last chapter was you can't accept someone elses love if you don't love yourself. You have to know you are worthy of love to honestly receive it.
I am letting the people around me decide my value. My value has to come from God. God wants me to receive His love, so I have to love myself. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love yourself as you love your neighbors.
What does Jesus mean to you?
In the last chapter, Don's friend Alan went around and asked a bunch of people questions. He asked this guy, Bill Bright a bunch of questions, and lastly he asked him what Jesus meant to him. Mr. Bright could not answer his question. Instead he started to cry. He sat there and w e p t . I want to love Jesus like that. Don't get me wrong, I love Jesus. But I want to fall inlove so deeply with Him....to where I weep at the sound of his name.
Father....I love you so much. Thank you for opening my eyes wider than they ever have been. I just want you to put a song in my heart....that song that sums me up and that glorifies you. Help me break down whatever it is inside of me that is not letting me truly love myself. Give me the securities I need to receive love so I can only fall deeper in love with you.
Don and I have a lot in common. But we are also very different. But one thing that he made me realize in the 2nd to last chapter was you can't accept someone elses love if you don't love yourself. You have to know you are worthy of love to honestly receive it.
I am letting the people around me decide my value. My value has to come from God. God wants me to receive His love, so I have to love myself. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love yourself as you love your neighbors.
What does Jesus mean to you?
In the last chapter, Don's friend Alan went around and asked a bunch of people questions. He asked this guy, Bill Bright a bunch of questions, and lastly he asked him what Jesus meant to him. Mr. Bright could not answer his question. Instead he started to cry. He sat there and w e p t . I want to love Jesus like that. Don't get me wrong, I love Jesus. But I want to fall inlove so deeply with Him....to where I weep at the sound of his name.
Father....I love you so much. Thank you for opening my eyes wider than they ever have been. I just want you to put a song in my heart....that song that sums me up and that glorifies you. Help me break down whatever it is inside of me that is not letting me truly love myself. Give me the securities I need to receive love so I can only fall deeper in love with you.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
so long self...
Well if I came off a little distant, it's just because I am. Things just seem to feel a little bit different, you understand? Believe it or not but life is not apparently about me anyways, But I have met the one who really is worthy so let me say... so long self, it's been fun but I have found somebody else! [...MercyMe]
A couple of years ago I felt myself changing into this person that did things my way, still cared about other people, but decided to ignore that good voice in my head. Bad voice was sounding way more fun. So for a few years, Bad Voice was my conscience. But now, Good Voice has definitely got some duck tape and shut that stinker UP! I'm sure there will be a day when Bad Voice gets the tape off and tries to sweet talk some things, but Good Voice has learned some good vital lessons from the past. We know Bad Voice may have fun, but that fun is only temporary and leaves you feeling pretty crappy afterwards. Good Voice is definitely the say in how I lead my life. I only have one life to live, and I want to spend it worshipping my savior! I want to use my time and efforts to truly glorify his Kingdom. Bad Voice, I know you will always be there, and I resent you for that, but I know it is a part of this life. But ya know what, I won't fall for it again you turd. You got me once, shame on you, you got me twice...shame on me!
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3
Father, I pray that even though I'm still battling the enemies voice in my head, that you Lord will show your power and glory and give me strength to overcome. Help me keep faith and my full trust in you....
A couple of years ago I felt myself changing into this person that did things my way, still cared about other people, but decided to ignore that good voice in my head. Bad voice was sounding way more fun. So for a few years, Bad Voice was my conscience. But now, Good Voice has definitely got some duck tape and shut that stinker UP! I'm sure there will be a day when Bad Voice gets the tape off and tries to sweet talk some things, but Good Voice has learned some good vital lessons from the past. We know Bad Voice may have fun, but that fun is only temporary and leaves you feeling pretty crappy afterwards. Good Voice is definitely the say in how I lead my life. I only have one life to live, and I want to spend it worshipping my savior! I want to use my time and efforts to truly glorify his Kingdom. Bad Voice, I know you will always be there, and I resent you for that, but I know it is a part of this life. But ya know what, I won't fall for it again you turd. You got me once, shame on you, you got me twice...shame on me!
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3
Father, I pray that even though I'm still battling the enemies voice in my head, that you Lord will show your power and glory and give me strength to overcome. Help me keep faith and my full trust in you....
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